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[blickpall]

Can I ask why? I know everyone is different but for me, being drugged up 24/7 would be pretty much #goals. It's like living in a different world far from here.

I like to read and write. It's the only escapism I have left (don't enjoy movies and television anymore). If I'm doped up I can barely read or write because my memory and cognitive functions in general are shot. I also don't want to feel like I'm on auto-pilot most of the time -- lots of drugs do this. Also, most people think you just gotta find the right medication, but that's not true. It feels good and they work for a while, but after some time, the meds that worked for you will wear off and on to the next one you have to go, over and over again. Before you know it, you're left with you're mouth hanging open 24/7, drooling constantly dripping from your mouth. 

Yeah, in the beginning being drugged up will feel good -- it might even feel like bliss. But when you eventually build a tolerance to them -- and a dependence on them -- you'll feel 100x worse from the withdrawals and maybe even trigger psychotic breaks. Psychotropic meds are a trap. I'll only take some before I'm about to kill myself.

Got it, thanks for the answer. As a former multi-substance abuser, I just look back on that life that I left behind and think "things were shit back then, but things are shit now and at least I didn't care back then." They dulled the guilt, shame, pain, etc.